i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
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2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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