Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/zuj3

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(904): View more from Florida

I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...

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(904): I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem... http://tfl.nu/1w4y

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(409): View more from Texas

It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.

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(409): It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself. http://tfl.nu/yf3o

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(716): View more from New York

I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.

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(716): I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting. http://tfl.nu/txta

Replies (28) Good night (1261) Bad night (3533) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.

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(314): Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day. http://tfl.nu/blek

Replies (4) Good night (3074) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
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(301): View more from Maryland

I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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(301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u

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(313): View more from Michigan

he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.

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(313): he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it. http://tfl.nu/c4xp

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday

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(740): Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday http://tfl.nu/hztn

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(859): View more from Kentucky

in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

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(859): in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick" http://tfl.nu/v34k

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.

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(612): Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me. http://tfl.nu/0mf7

Replies (6) Good night (1519) Bad night (669)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.

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(402): Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy. http://tfl.nu/5n13

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.

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(773): Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/cuh5

Replies (3) Good night (1246) Bad night (536)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.

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(248): Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents. http://tfl.nu/4qnq

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(404): View more from Georgia

Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!

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(404): Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God! http://tfl.nu/z686

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"

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(612): Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here" http://tfl.nu/wz3j

Replies (1) Good night (1125) Bad night (209)

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