I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize