peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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