When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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