I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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