Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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