He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize