I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize