i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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