If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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