what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize