im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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