Cold hands, warm shart.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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