she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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