he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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