You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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