the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize