But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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