Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize