They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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