I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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