So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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