I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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