You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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