Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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