You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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