I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize