no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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