your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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