Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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