a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize