I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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