I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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