mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish you could order shots online.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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