I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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