He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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