Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize