Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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