there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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