And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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