Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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