3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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