I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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