Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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