The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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