Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize