im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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