you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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