I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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